Why am I here?
I asked myself the same question as I was building this site so let me share with you a bit of my inspiration. Now I know that we see people branding themselves online all the time – and somehow they are all incredibly beautiful, talented and personable people. But what about the rest of us? Those of us that have a mediocre look to us and an awkward streak tend to hide behind the screens and allow our self doubt to take over. We are so self conscious – even when we say the lines that we know are supposed to exude confidence – so we don’t go in front of the screen. We thrive in smaller settings not in large groups. We know where we stand in the world.
Let’s flip that around. Why do we have to stay in that box? I’m a creative person – I work in the film and television industry. Behind the camera of course! I’m also somewhat of a photographer and a writer. Recently, okay not so recently (it’s been over a year), I moved to New York for various reasons including diving into what makes me happy. My family is amazing and has helped me get to where I am today, I love them so much. I’m a freelancer so my schedule runs on a highly variable routine. Most of my time is spent doing the things I thought I loved to do – and I do enjoy what I do. But that whole happiness thing, I haven’t figured out how to achieve that. I’m too old to not know what or how to make myself happy.
Recently I’ve been in a funk so I started watching things that cheer me up. I started with my go to – travel documentaries; if you haven’t seen Departures or Expedition Happiness do yourself a favor and check it out. These people have inspired me so much because their stories resonated with me. They should be happy but they feel like they are missing a key element in that and they search for it. From here I went to my go to show Gilmore Girls. Don’t judge, I’ve loved this show my entire life. Rory and Lorelai are so close and it kind of reminds me of my mom and I – not completely since I’m not an only child but my mom and I have always been incredibly close. It’s a relationship I couldn’t live without. My emotions were in a whirlwind. I couldn’t keep things straight, how was I feeling? What was I doing? Where did I want to be in life? How should I go about getting there? Why did I feel so stuck?
Thats when I discovered the new Queer Eye series was on Netflix – I don’t have a television so naturally Netflix is my BFF. She even checks on me every couple hours. It sounds so lame but everything started coming together. My emotions became easier to sort through and I felt as if I had more of a direction on how to guide myself out of the labyrinth I’ve created of my own life. Part of it includes getting more comfortable with my voice and my appearance. What better way than to build and blog/vlog (yes you will be watching videos of me, I know I’m terrified too) to have an outlet to express myself and build my confidence. It’s time to actualize as my cousin always says ‘how amazing you are’.
So here we are! That’s that, if you read it all I sincerely applaud you. If you want to learn more about me stick around and subscribe to this page and my youtube page! Hell you can even check out my photography website if you want.
21 Grams All In 